Aubrey Dameron: A Life Worth Finding

[00:00:18] Hey everyone, my name is Nikki Young and this is Serial Napper, the true crime podcast for

[00:00:23] naps. I'm back with another true crime story to lull you to sleep or perhaps to give you

[00:00:30] nightmares. It was the very early morning hours of March 9th, 2019, around 3.30am before

[00:00:36] the sun had come up. 25-year-old Aubrey Damron walked into the living room and told her mother

[00:00:42] and brother that she was off to meet a friend. She doesn't specify who this friend is, but

[00:00:48] she leaves home without her purse or her anti-seizure medication, which she's supposed to carry

[00:00:54] with her at all times because she suffers from epilepsy. Aubrey wouldn't return home

[00:01:00] and after a few days of no contact with any of her family, they reported her missing to

[00:01:05] the police. Aubrey is a high-risk victim. She's a beautiful, proud Cherokee woman living through

[00:01:12] a time when violence against Indigenous women is at an all-time high. She's also transgendered

[00:01:20] and identifies as two-spirit, a Native American term that describes a person who identifies

[00:01:25] as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit. Beyond that, there are a lot of suspicious

[00:01:32] circumstances surrounding Aubrey's disappearance, including a bloody sock that was found near

[00:01:37] her home, a ransom call, and a confession, and her family believes that she might be

[00:01:43] the victim of a hate crime. This is the story of Aubrey Damron and her family's fight for

[00:01:49] the truth. So let's jump right in. Aubrey, who went by the nickname Shorty, was born

[00:01:56] on October 22, 1993 and was assigned male at birth but would later identify herself

[00:02:02] as a trans woman. She grew up surrounded by family in Grove, Oklahoma, a very small

[00:02:08] town of only around 7,000 people, which is located in the Cherokee Nation. From a very

[00:02:14] early age, it was apparent that she much preferred to play with dolls than she did with trucks,

[00:02:20] something that she had in common with her uncle Christian, who was only six months older

[00:02:25] than her, so he was more like a brother to her. It was really lucky that they had each

[00:02:31] other to rely on through the difficult teen years while they were still both finding themselves.

[00:02:36] While attending Grove High School, they would come out to one another, sharing that they

[00:02:40] both had crushes on boys. For Christian, Aubrey was his support system, the one who always

[00:02:47] knew just what to say to make things okay. Because things certainly were not easy, especially

[00:02:54] when Aubrey would discover another aspect of who she was. She was transgendered. Another

[00:03:01] excuse for some of her classmates to bully her. They would quite literally chase her

[00:03:06] in their cars, hurling homophobic slurs at both her and her uncle. And it wasn't just

[00:03:12] the other kids. Adults could be just as cruel. Aubrey's aunt Pam recalled a time when she

[00:03:19] visited with her grandfather who was in hospice care, and there was a pastor there who was

[00:03:24] supposed to be providing support to the family. He made a crude comment to Aubrey. She had

[00:03:31] been wearing a pair of ballet flats, her favorite pair, and the pastor told her to stop dressing

[00:03:36] like a woman and to throw the flats into the fireplace, which she did as she cried. At

[00:03:44] the time, Aubrey's family remained silent, something that they regret to this day. But

[00:03:50] this didn't stop Aubrey from becoming who she was always meant to be. While she had

[00:03:55] always wanted to become either an actress or a singer and possibly take classes to make

[00:04:01] her dreams come true, unfortunately, she lived in poverty for the majority of her life and

[00:04:06] she just couldn't afford it. But this didn't stop her from jumping up on the coffee table

[00:04:12] and singing and dancing for just about anyone who would listen. Aubrey also found a passion

[00:04:17] for beauty and she graduated with a diploma from Grove Beauty College in 2015. The skills

[00:04:24] that she learned in school helped her during her transition, which she publicly shared

[00:04:28] on her social media. While Aubrey had always generally been a very happy person, it was

[00:04:35] evident that she was really thriving in her new identity as a woman. She took great pride

[00:04:41] in her journey, sharing on her social media profile quote,

[00:06:41] My father, he told me, he really didn't say anything. He went outside and cried for a little bit and then came back in 30 minutes later and told me, you know, you're my kid and I will always love you. You know, you're still alive. That's what matters. And, you know, my mother and I, it was kind of very hard for us to be able to, for us to be able to, I guess, get through the process of being who I am today. You know, it was kind of hard for us in the first few years.

[00:07:11] So we had, um, basically went to counseling and now she loves me like her daughter and she wouldn't have me any other way. And it's a blessing, you know. Anyhow, it was nice talking to everybody and this is Aubrey Damron and you guys have a blessed day.

[00:07:29] Aubrey was also a proud member of the Cherokee Nation. She wore her Native heritage like a badge of honor. She identified as Two-Spirit, a pre-colonial term that acknowledges a person as having both a male and female spirit. Historically, those known as Two-Spirit were held in high regard by the Indigenous community. But sadly, times have changed and it's not a lifestyle that is commonly accepted and embraced by everyone.

[00:07:59] Yet Aubrey persevered. She was who she was and she wasn't afraid to show it. In 2018, Aubrey moved away from her family and community to New Mexico with her boyfriend at the time, a man named Jay. It has been described as a toxic relationship.

[00:08:18] Aubrey was also beginning to medically transition by having breast augmentation surgery and she was speaking to professionals about going through even more gender-affirming surgeries. But with a deteriorating relationship with Jay and a lack of support from her family, she really struggled. She began to abuse drugs and alcohol and she fell into a very dark place in her life.

[00:08:43] Ultimately, she thought that it would be best if she moved back to Oklahoma so that she could be closer to her support system, her family. So in August of 2018, she did just that and she made the move back to Oklahoma, moving in with her mom, her stepfather, and her brother.

[00:09:01] Growing up, her relationship with her mother had been a strained one. It seems that her mom didn't accept her for who she was and at one point had even made comments about how she didn't want her. But as the years passed, they had tried to mend their relationship and they seem to be doing okay now.

[00:09:21] Her aunt, Pam, would recall how different she was when she returned. The usually confident Aubrey seemed timid and afraid. She expressed that she was terrified of her ex-boyfriend, Jay. According to Pam, Aubrey told her that Jay had threatened to kill her if she ever left him, something that we commonly hear with abusers.

[00:09:45] Aubrey began to retreat from her friends and family, who she used to keep in contact with just about every day, and she went quiet on social media. While she used to post Facebook updates pretty much daily, she recoiled and she stopped posting anything at all for a time.

[00:10:03] The move back home was supposed to be a positive change, a chance for her to get some distance away from a toxic relationship and to try to get some help with her substance abuse. But living with her mom and her stepdad, it just wasn't working out.

[00:10:19] They were not getting along at all and in February of 2019, things kind of blew up when there was a physical altercation between her and her stepdad, which resulted in Aubrey being charged with assault and battery. The charges against Aubrey were dropped on March 1st, but it was clear that things in her life were once again heading down the wrong path.

[00:10:43] About two weeks before her disappearance, Aubrey would post her final Facebook message. It was a picture of a chalkboard that read, quote, You're never too important to be nice to people. How fucking true.

[00:10:57] And that brings us to March 9th, 2019, the last time Aubrey would be seen alive, walking to the end of her driveway to meet up with a mysterious friend. Before leaving home, she messaged a few people on Facebook to see if she could catch a ride into town, but nobody answered her back.

[00:11:16] At around 3.30am, she walked into the living room where her mom and her brother were sitting, I guess they like to stay up late, and she told them that she was heading out to meet up with this friend. She brings her phone with her, but she leaves behind her purse, which has her anti-seizure medication in it.

[00:11:34] This is something that she requires because she suffers from epilepsy. It can be really dangerous if she suffers from a seizure and she doesn't have this medication with her. She was not known to leave this medication behind. So clearly, wherever she was going, she didn't think that she was going to be gone for very long.

[00:11:52] Her phone would ping for the very last time shortly after she left the house at 3.42am near the family home, maybe a couple hundred yards away. It's unclear whether her phone battery died at that point or if the phone was shut off. Unfortunately, the phone has never been recovered, which probably would have had a ton of evidence on it.

[00:12:14] She wouldn't return home, and after a few days of no one being able to contact Aubrey, her mother reported her missing on March 11th, 2019.

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[00:14:21] While Aubrey was immediately entered into the police system as a missing person, her aunt Pam felt like authorities were being dismissive and even blaming Aubrey for her own disappearance because of her lifestyle.

[00:14:36] In an interview with Dateline, Pam would say quote,

[00:14:39] I was like, what do you mean her lifestyle? I said, because she's transgender? You know, she's indigenous? No, no. I was like, so what do you mean? You know, I said, you're telling me that my niece's life isn't worth searching for because of her lifestyle?

[00:14:55] And he was like, we don't have the resources. We don't have the manpower. And he goes, but yeah, we just don't believe she's missing.

[00:15:04] Which sadly isn't an uncommon response that many native communities report hearing from law enforcement, which is why there's typically a very strange relationship between indigenous communities and law enforcement.

[00:15:18] There's also the fact that Aubrey was transgendered. And what's infuriating is that through my research and watching statements given by the police regarding updates in this case, authorities constantly reference Aubrey as he.

[00:15:33] It's incredibly disrespectful and it shows that they don't have any regard to who she was as a person.

[00:15:40] Police would later clarify that what they meant was they didn't have the resources to dedicate to someone who lives a lifestyle that includes drugs and alcohol. Not that any of that really makes anything any better.

[00:15:52] Aubrey was very much loved and missed. So despite whatever resources the police had or didn't have to devote to finding her, her aunt and uncle specifically rallied to gather a group of volunteers to help search for her and to post her picture and details all over social media.

[00:16:10] They were truly a farce. Aubrey was last seen wearing a completely black outfit, including a black jacket, top, skirt, tights and boots. She's approximately 5'10 tall and weighs around 150 pounds at least at the time of her disappearance.

[00:16:27] Aubrey has long brown hair and brown eyes, as well as multiple tattoos, including a triquetra on the back of her neck and a circular design tattoo with the word Shorty on her left shoulder, among other tattoos on both of her hips.

[00:16:42] Now here is where things get really bizarre. On March 12th, three days after Aubrey went missing, her ex-boyfriend Jay received a phone call from a 42-year-old woman named Danette Rowbottom, who claimed to be Aubrey's friend.

[00:16:58] Danette tells Jay that Aubrey is currently being held against her will in Ketchum, Oklahoma because she owes someone money for drugs. She says that the people who are holding her captive will release her if the drug debt is paid, but if it's not paid, then they're gonna kill Aubrey.

[00:17:17] Jay calls the police about this phone call, and they bring Danette in for questioning. She admits to making this phone call, but she says that she made the whole thing up, which might be one of the most disgusting things that a human being could do.

[00:17:33] Danette says that she actually has no idea where Aubrey might be, but that she's probably not even truly missing. She just wanted to mess with Jay for fun. In turn, she's charged with extortion, and honestly I really hope they threw the book at her.

[00:17:49] Later that same month, during a search for Aubrey conducted about a half a mile away from her home, there's a surprising discovery. A bloody sock was found in a heavily wooded area not too far from where Aubrey had last been seen. The sock was sent away for forensic testing. However, according to Aubrey's aunt, Pam, the results came back as inconclusive.

[00:18:13] Now, inconclusive doesn't necessarily mean that it was or wasn't a match to Aubrey. It means that the testing didn't produce a result that would either definitively include or exclude someone as the source of that DNA. So this could happen for a variety of reasons. There may be a mixture of DNA of several people, or the quality or the quantity of the DNA, it might not be enough to give an accurate result.

[00:18:40] Either way, it was a dead end.

[00:18:42] And then came the first tip. Aubrey's aunt went to the police with information that Aubrey's mother herself had revealed to her. According to this aunt, Aubrey's mother claimed that on April 6th, Aubrey's ex-boyfriend, Jay, had disclosed to her that he had killed Aubrey.

[00:19:02] The police took this tip very seriously, especially knowing the kind of history that Jay and Aubrey had. However, they found no evidence that actually linked Jay to Aubrey's disappearance. And when they questioned Aubrey's mother about the claim, she denied ever saying it.

[00:19:19] Jay has never been named an official suspect in Aubrey's disappearance, and it doesn't seem that he was anywhere near Oklahoma at the time she went missing.

[00:19:28] Two months into the search for Aubrey Dameron, there was another tip. Her aunt Pam would tell Dateline, quote,

[00:19:35] One of Aubrey's friends from there in the grove came forward to help. The girl said,

[00:19:41] If you look from her house up on one of the hills there in town, there's a flagpole up there, she says. And if you stand off of my yard by the road and look up there, she goes, they say that Aubrey is buried up there.

[00:19:55] Apparently, there were rumors going around that Aubrey's body had been buried in what looked like a shallow grave on top of a hill near a flagpole. It was about 30 miles southwest from Aubrey's home.

[00:20:07] Investigators searched the spot, even using cadaver dogs, but they didn't find any human remains. Only animal bones.

[00:20:16] They did, however, find a black leather jacket that they believed could have belonged to Aubrey, and later they found a basketball jersey not too far from the same spot.

[00:20:26] But once again, when it was sent off for forensic testing, the results came back as inconclusive, so it was yet another dead end.

[00:20:35] Police have said that in the months after her disappearance, there were numerous sightings of Aubrey at casinos and various retail stores, but none were ever confirmed 100% to be her.

[00:20:47] So we don't know if this was just some lookalike, someone that kind of looked like Aubrey, if it was her, if it wasn't her, no idea.

[00:20:55] In the months that turn to years since Aubrey has been missing, something has always bothered those friends and family members who have not given up the search.

[00:21:04] It's the lack of effort put forth by Aubrey's own mom, her stepfather, and her brother.

[00:21:10] Despite the hundreds of hours spent searching the area, following up on tips, posting flyers, and photos to social media, her mom, stepdad, and brother haven't helped.

[00:21:22] They've actually shown very little interest in finding out what truly happened to Aubrey, and some might think that they know more about her disappearance than they're letting on.

[00:21:32] They were also quite literally the last people to see her alive, at least her mother and her brother were, before she allegedly walked out into the dark after 3am to meet this friend.

[00:21:44] The police have never been able to identify who this mystery friend was, and there hasn't been any evidence of her actually meeting up with this said friend.

[00:21:53] No video from ring cameras in the area or anything.

[00:21:57] And again, none of these individuals have ever been named as a suspect in Aubrey's disappearance, so do with that information what you will.

[00:22:06] During a search conducted by volunteers on the property surrounding Aubrey's home in November 2019, something was discovered that has led investigators to believe that she may have actually been held there.

[00:22:19] Canines alerted to a hit on a shed that was located on the property, and inside of the shed was a blue kiddie pool, and inside of the pool was a tarp.

[00:22:30] The canine hit on the kiddie pool, and then when they laid out the tarp that was inside, the canine alerted to a hit again.

[00:22:37] Notably, there were stains on this tarp that looked like they could have been blood.

[00:22:42] When this information was passed along to law enforcement, unfortunately, nothing was done about it for a whole month.

[00:22:50] It took them over a month to recover this tarp and then to send it in for testing.

[00:22:55] Whether or not they were able to pull any evidence off the tarp remains to be seen, but investigators say that there is evidence to suggest that there's a connection between Aubrey and this tarp.

[00:23:08] However, the Sheriff's Office, they've had an impossible time getting permission to revisit the property to see if there's anything else notable related to Aubrey's disappearance, to see if maybe the dogs will hit on something else in the shed or in the vicinity.

[00:23:22] They certainly haven't been given permission by her family who owns the property, and without concrete evidence to support a warrant, they're just out of luck.

[00:23:32] Aubrey's case had previously been handled by the Delaware County Sheriff's Office, who just don't seem to have the resources that other larger organizations have.

[00:23:42] But in July of 2020, there was some good news.

[00:23:46] The Supreme Court ruled that crimes committed on Indian reservations would now be investigated by tribal police and the FBI, who we all know have far more resources to devote to these kinds of cases.

[00:24:00] So what happened to Aubrey Dameron?

[00:24:03] There are more than enough rumors and theories to go around, but unfortunately, she is still missing and there have been no arrests made.

[00:24:12] Several of her family members believe that she may have been targeted just because she's transgendered.

[00:24:18] When she returned to Oklahoma after having breast augmentation surgery, the response that she received was less than supportive and welcoming.

[00:24:28] People just did not like that she was moving forward with fully transitioning into a woman.

[00:24:34] They were not accepting of it at all.

[00:24:36] So perhaps she was lured away from home by this mystery friend that she was supposed to be meeting and then taken to another location or killed.

[00:24:46] There's also a lot of suspicion around her own mother, her stepfather, and her brother.

[00:24:52] Her mom and brother, they were the last people to allegedly see her alive before she walked out the door.

[00:24:59] According to other family members, none of them have assisted with any of the search efforts.

[00:25:05] Aubrey's aunt Pam is a very credible source, and she claims that Aubrey's mother said her ex-boyfriend Jay admitted to killing her.

[00:25:13] Why would she say this and then quickly recant her statement?

[00:25:18] Was she trying to throw off suspicion, but took it back when she realized that the police would actually move forward with investigating it?

[00:25:26] Jay lived in Colorado, and as far as the police are concerned, that's where he remained the night that Aubrey went missing.

[00:25:34] So while he may have been abusive to her in the past, it doesn't appear that he was anywhere near Oklahoma when all of this happened.

[00:25:42] There was also a history of violence between Aubrey and her stepfather.

[00:25:47] It wasn't a safe or healthy environment for her to be living in that home.

[00:25:51] And we just cannot ignore the shed, with the kiddie pool and the tarp.

[00:25:56] Did Aubrey even leave home those early morning hours alive?

[00:26:01] Or was she kept in that shed at some point?

[00:26:04] Authorities certainly do believe that there could be a connection between Aubrey and that shed and that tarp.

[00:26:10] The other theory is that she left on her own accord, which doesn't really seem plausible.

[00:26:15] There isn't any reason to believe that she is still alive today.

[00:26:19] Her phone stopped pinging shortly after she supposedly left to go meet this friend.

[00:26:24] She was struggling with the weight of the world on her shoulders, recently leaving a toxic relationship and then having conflict within her own family, even getting arrested.

[00:26:34] She was also dealing with homophobic and transphobic members of the community.

[00:26:39] So one theory is that she may have been sick of it all and taken her own life.

[00:26:45] But her family does not believe that to be the case.

[00:26:49] And there have been extensive searches of the area and nothing has been found.

[00:26:53] Still, of course we truly never know what is going on in one's head.

[00:26:57] And she faced a ton of backlash and discrimination in her life.

[00:27:02] Here's one example of how transphobic people can be towards victims, even after their death.

[00:27:07] In January of 2021, the Aubrey Alert Bill was introduced to the Oklahoma legislator.

[00:27:14] This bill calls for more measures to be taken when an adult goes missing under suspicious circumstances.

[00:27:20] Very similar to what we already have in place with the Amber Alert, which is for children.

[00:27:25] The goal of the bill, if passed, is to create an alert that goes out to the general public notifying them of a critically missing adult.

[00:27:33] Meaning an adult who has gone missing and it's likely that their life is in danger.

[00:27:39] It's a great idea, something that I've always thought we needed to have.

[00:27:42] Why just have one for children?

[00:27:44] Well, the House of Public Safety Committee, they refused to name the bill after Aubrey because she is transgendered.

[00:27:52] So they actually renamed it to the Casey Alert in honor of Casey Russell, a cisgendered man who disappeared from Oklahoma in July of 2016.

[00:28:03] If that's not a complete slap in the face to Aubrey, who could very well be the victim of a hate crime, then I don't know what is.

[00:28:11] In April of last year, the Casey Alert was signed into law and perhaps it's something that could have helped Aubrey.

[00:28:18] Who knows?

[00:28:20] It has been five years since Aubrey Dameron went missing and while her family is hopeful that the truth will someday be revealed,

[00:28:27] investigators need more information from the public.

[00:28:30] It's not believed that Aubrey left on her own accord.

[00:28:34] It's likely that someone took her or has harmed her.

[00:28:38] If you know anything about Aubrey's disappearance, you can call the FBI at 1-800-CALL-FBI or online at tips.fbi.gov

[00:28:49] or you can call the Cherokee Nation Marshal Service at 918-207-3800.

[00:28:56] That's it for me tonight.

[00:28:58] If you want to reach out, you can find me on Facebook at Serial Napper.

[00:29:02] I also have a Serial Napper True Crime Discussion group on Facebook. It's called Serial Society and I'll have the link in my show notes.

[00:29:09] I'd love to chat with you about this case, all of the other cases that I covered, and everything else going on in true crime.

[00:29:14] You can find my audio on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, wherever you listen to podcasts.

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[00:29:27] I'm over on X, formerly known as Twitter, at Serial underscore Napper and I post things on TikTok.

[00:29:33] Serial Napper Nick and that's all one word.

[00:29:36] Until next time, sweet dreams, stay kind, especially in the comments.

[00:29:42] Bye.